The following is taken from an e-mail received recently, sent by what I’m calling my personal Best Example of what it means to be True and Real as any kind of friend (like as in forever) who thinks she is not even a very good one. That’s nonsense of course, since everyone should eventually realize that Best always amounts to more than Good, no matter what, and so forth, no matter what else. But when life goes through tougher times we might figure we’ve not done enough somehow. Fact is, she’s just about the only one out of many who still remembers me ‘just because’ and ‘for old time’s sake’ or any of that kind of enduring and endearing stuff.
NOTE: to further the cause of modestly decent presentations, one photo has been altered from the original. That’s all I’m saying now. At any rate, my best friend made me do this:
If you have boys, you will understand.
If you have girls, you will be grateful.
If you don’t have children, you will invest in contraception.
And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like…
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
- Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
- Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR’s do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
- 100% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
That’s it for the e-mail. Click through to page two for the gallery of fourteen.
It is uncertain if anything further will be added here. Equal to that is the uncertainty ever present before today arrived that any of this would appear, and yet it did. So much more is that which has not appeared, nor will there ever be as much as there could have been. The future has been stolen by the past, once again.
Seems like something’s missing. Maybe it’s the song…
As if in answer to that remark, let this one suffice. It is, after all, a teenager already! 😉
(This song derives from Wishing Well, and formed the soundtrack for this video, among others:
YouTube – Jennifer Knapp – Jesus Knows. It was posted/favorited last month in my FaceBook space-nook. Or whatever it is. Just FYI…)